[Scene: The Courtyard – Joey, Michael, & Alex]
Alex: So, today’s the day. Eric is moving out.
Joey: Oh, you okay?
Alex: Yeah, actually. I think this separation thing is gonna be good.
Michael: What does this mean? Are you guys gonna like, date other people?
Joey: Ooh, ‘cause if you do, I got a great guy for you. PJ, he’s a security guard at work. He lives with his mom, but they live on a boat.
Alex: Joey, we’re not seeing other people. This is time for us to work on our relationship.
Joey: Oh, that’s too bad. If PJ doesn’t find a girl soon, I think he’s gonna kill his mom.
(Eric enters from his and Alex’s apartment, carrying his bags)
Eric: So, I, uh- I guess this is goodbye for now, huh?
Alex: I guess so.
(Alex and Eric hug; Joey looks at the Viola case strung across Eric’s back.)
Joey: (Whispering to Michael) Is that thing on his back a gun?
Alex: This is the right thing, and it’s just temporary.
Eric: And, it’s exactly what we need: a little distance.
(Eric takes his things into the apartment across from Alex’s apartment)
Michael: That’s it?
Joey: What was with the big dramatic goodbye?
Alex: Well I know he’s close, but my husband and I are separated, that’s huge. I mean, he may not seem very far, but in my heart he’s a million miles away.
(Eric walks up behind Alex)
Alex: Oh, God, you scared the crap out of me!
[Scene: The Courtyard – Joey – Sarah Enters carrying groceries]
Joey: Oh, allow the gentleman to help the lady.
(Joey takes a bag)
Sara: Why, thank you. You know, I developed those pictures I took of you, and they’re great. There’s one in particular I want to show you.
Joey: Is it the nude one?
Sara: We didn’t take any nude photos.
Joey: Oh, sorry. That’s right, I had two photo shoots that day. Hey, you, uh- you wanna go see a movie tonight?
Sara: Oh, I would love to, but I have, uh-
Joey: Oh, right, dinner with Rick.
Sara: I’m looking forward to our date Tuesday though.
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Me too. I guess I’ll just see you then.
(They enter Sara’s Apartment)
Joey: (Looking into one of the grocery bags) Oh, hey, you got two bars of soap in there.
Sara: Go ahead, take one.
Joey: You rock.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Gina is cooking dinner for Michael – Joey Enters]
Joey: Okay, which would you rather do: go to the movies with me, or make dinner for some boring dude?
Gina: You’re right! Michael, your own your own. Me and Joey are going to the movies.
Joey: No, no, Gina. Sara’s still dating that Rick guy. It really bothers me.
Michael: Joey, just tell her how you feel.
Joey: No. I’ll come off all needy and emotional. Women hate that.
Michael: No, actually, I beg to differ. You see, I told this girl, Annabelle, that she wasn’t giving me what I needed emotionally, and she really appreciated my honesty. Unfortunately she’s been gone every weekend for the last six months, but when she gets back, two hearts… beating as one. I’m gonna go check to see if her email account is still on the fritz.
Gina: He’s gonna invent something, make lots of money, and then the women will come.
Joey: What am I gonna do about Sara?
Gina: Why don’t you show her such a good time that she forgets all about the other guy?
Joey: Ooh, okay. I can do that. Yeah. I’ll send her flowers, ask her about work, I’ll do all the stuff that ugly guys have to do.
Joey: Hello. Glen. Yeah. Hey Gina, Glen’s on the phone for you.
(Gina motions for Joey to tell Glen she’s not there)
Joey: Uh, she’s not here right now. Yes, I did just say ‘Hey, Gina.’ Because I call everybody Gina. Look, I’ll have her call you. All right. Bye-bye, Gina. (Hangs up) What was that?
Gina: Well, I didn’t want to involve you because you’re his assistant, but things just haven’t been working out for us.
Joey: Why? He’s such a nice guy.
Gina: I know. He’s too nice. Do you know what it’s like to be with someone who asks permission to talk dirty to you? “May I ask you who your daddy is?”
Joey: So, what? You’re gonna break up with him?
Gina: Every time I bring the subject up, he just looks at me with those big eyes. He’s just so into me. If he finds out that I’m not in to him, it’s gonna kill him. I wish there was something else I could blame it on.
Joey: Well, you know what always works for me.
Gina: I am not gonna tell him I’m moving to some made-up country.
Joey: Hey, there’s always room for one more person in Bishkadoo.
[Scene: Sara’s Apartment – Sara & Joey]
(Joey gives Sara flowers)
Sara: Oh, those are so beautiful.
Joey: Yeah, I thought you might like them. And at the flower shop, they were also selling these really cute heart shaped balloons.
Sara: Yeah, that might’ve been a little much.
Joey: That’s what I thought, yeah.
(Joey let’s loose of the balloons he was holding behind his back)
Joey: And I also made you a CD with a bunch of songs I though you might like.
Joey: Yeah, some Sinatra, Marvin Gay, and the last track is a jerky boy’s prank call. I’ll warn you now: Make sure you’re not drinking anything when you listen to it. It will come out your nose.
Sara: Wow, I love a bunch of these songs.
Joey: I’m not surprised. I know you, Sara. So, what’s for dinner?
Sara: Well, I kept it nice and simple. I made a great salad.
(Joey looks disappointed.)
Sara: I’m kidding. I made meatloaf. I know you, too.
Joey: That could’ve gotten ugly.
(Sara and Joey walk into the kitchen)
Joey: Ooh, wow. Boy, if your meatloaf is as good as it looks, you might just be the perfect woman.
Sara: Well, if you’re willing to tell me that that’s good meatloaf, you may be the perfect man.
Sara: You know, I was thinking after we had out meatloaf, I could show you my bedroom.
Joey: Ooh, maybe we just skip the meatloaf and head in there right now.
Sara: Knowing how much food means to you, that’s very flattering.
Joey: Or maybe we bring the meatloaf into the bedroom.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Gina – Joey Enters]
Gina: Morning. Are you just getting home from your date?
Joey: Yep, we spent our first night together.
Gina: So, the flowers and everything worked, huh? No more Rick?
Joey: I feel pretty confident that Rick is out of the picture. I’m gonna go take a nap. I didn’t get much sleep last night, if you know what I mean.
Gina: Why? Were you worried about something.
Joey: No, we-
Gina: I know. Give me five! (They high-five)
[Scene: Joey’s Bedroom – Alex – Joey Enters]
Joey: Oh! Oh my God!
Alex: I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Joey: Oh, I thought you were a girl I left up here by mistake. It has happened.
Alex: I know it’s weird that I’m in your bedroom, but being separated from Eric, I just-
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. It’s not weird. You’re hurting. You’ve come to me for erotic comfort.
Alex: Joey, ew.
Joey: Ew? Ew, you! Well then what are you doing up here?
Alex: I can see into Eric’s apartment from your window. This separation thing was a lot harder than I expected, and so I was kind of spying on him.
Joey: What? Why?
Alex: This girl from his orchestra called and left a message that she was coming over to meet him today. She’s a cellist.
Joey: Hey, Alex, let’s not bring race into this. Look, Alex, I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. And also, you don’t want to start spying.
Alex: Start spying? I’ve been doing this since seventh grade. My boyfriend cheated on me. Do you know any other twelve-year-old girls with German military binoculars?
Joey: So have you spied on Eric before?
Alex: No. According to my surveillance log, I haven’t done it at all since college. Ah, Trevor. You said you weren’t gay. Man In Park would disagree.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Gina & Joey]
Joey: I’m just grabbing some food for Alex.
Gina: She is in your bedroom already? Looking for erotic comfort?
Joey: That’s what I thought. No, she’s up there spying on her husband.
Gina: Oh, wow, I like her more and more. Oh, Sara dropped this off for you. (Hands Joey a package)
(Glen knocks on the door)
Gina: That’s Glen. He kept calling, so I decided to bite the bullet and break up with him. Would you mind answering it and maybe sticking around in case things get a little rough.
(Joey runs upstairs; Gina opens the door)
Gina: Look, Glen, we need to talk. Have a seat.
Gina: Glen, you truly are a nice guy, but things just aren’t working out.
Glen: I knew something was wrong. I knew it. Now I’m getting the nice guy speech. Wow. Even though I knew this was coming, it still hurts. (Glen’s eyes get big)
Gina: Oh, no, don’t do this. Not the big eyes.
Glen: What do you expect? You think I don’t know what nice means? It’s code for boring. I make you sick and I put you to sleep at the same time!
Gina: No, Glen, I don’t want you to feel bad.
Glen: How could I not feel bad? You hate me.
Gina: No, I can’t have you thinking that.
Glen: Well, you’re breaking up with me. If you don’t hate me, what is it?
Gina: Uh, it’s uh…
Michael: Oh, hey guys.
Gina: It’s Michael. He hates you.
Glen: What? I barely talked to him.
Gina: Yeah, and he noticed that. I’m sorry, I just can’t be with a guy who gets between me and my son.
Glen: Ok, well maybe if I-
Gina: I already thought about it. It will never work.
(Gina pushes Glen out the door and closes it)
[Scene: Joey’s Bedroom – Joey & Alex]
Joey: Ah, Sara gave me one of her photographs. Now every time I look at it I’ll think of her. Isn’t it beautiful?
(Joey shows Alex the picture)
Alex: It’s a picture of you.
Joey: Yeah, I know. Those eyes just burn in you, don’t they? I’m sorry. Gah, I shouldn’t be talking about Sara.
Alex: Why not?
Joey: Because I’m not being sensitive. I mean, our relationships are in very different places. Mine is… shoop. (Imitates with his hand that it’s going good). And yours is (Whistles and imitates crashing).
Alex: Thanks for being so sensitive.
Joey: (Holding up his picture) Hey, it’s who we are.
Alex: (Looking out the window) Ooh, here comes cello girl. Oh, no, she’s a lot prettier than I thought she’d be.
Joey: Let me take a look. (Takes Alex’s binoculars) Wow. That is not what I thought a cello was.
Alex: Oh my God, there’s Eric, letting her in. (Gasps) They shook hands. Ugh, get a room!
Joey: Alex, stop. Enough spying. I can’t believe you’re doing this.
Alex: Oh, hey, there’s Sara. Who’s that guy she’s with?
Joey: Give me those. (Takes the binoculars) She’s still dating Rick? What about our special night? Oh, she just kissed him.
(Alex whistles and imitates crashing)
Joey: I can’t believe she’s dating Rick.
Alex: Even though it’s not technically related to me, can I still put it in my log?
Joey: (Glares at Alex) God, I though Sara and I had reached a new place. How could she do this?
Alex: Well aren’t you seeing other people too?
Joey: Well, technically, but I haven’t been with anyone since I met her. You know what? That’s the problem. I’m just sitting around while she’s doing stuff. If she’s gonna have a date tonight, then so am I!
Alex: It’s already eight o’clock. Are you gonna be able to find anyone to go out with?
Joey: Give me a letter.
Joey: (On the phone) Hey, Heather. It’s Joey. Yep. Nope. (Hangs up) She’s coming over.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Michael – Glen knocks]
Michael: Come in.
Michael: Oh, hey, Glen. Joey’s upstairs.
Glen: Oh, no, actually I’m here to talk to you, buddy.
Michael: Do you have a math problem, or…?
Glen: No, no. I was just thinking, and we haven’t really gotten to know each other, so I thought maybe we could go and do something fun.
Michael: Like what?
Glen: If we left right now, we could make it to Disney Land before it closes.
Michael: Disney Land? Does my mom know about this?
Michael: Can I go on Space Mountain?
Michael: Will you buy me cotton candy?
Glen: As much as you want.
Michael: Congratulations, Glen, you may take me to Disney Land.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Joey & Alex]
Alex: Blonde girl approaching –ten meters from door.
Joey: Thank you.
Alex: Five meters!
Joey: I got it, Alex!
(Heather knocks on the door; Joey answers)
Joey: Hey, Heather. Thanks for coming by. (Kisses Heather) Wait, what’s with the uniform?
Heather: Oh, I came straight from work.
Joey: But this is a date. I thought you’d wear something a little more sexy than No-payments-on-a-flat-screen-until-2006.
Heather: No, we actually have a deal now where-
Joey: Heather, heather. No.
(Sara & Rick enter the Courtyard)
Sara: Hey, Joey. You remember Rick. We’re just on our way out.
Joey: Oh, yeah. This is my date, Heather. You can’t tell but she actually has a great body under that uniform. (To Heather) You wanna show her your belly button ring? No? Whatever you’re comfortable with. (To Sara) What are you guys doing?
Sara: We’re going to a movie.
Joey: Oh, that’s all? We’re going to a movie and dinner.
Sara: Well, we’ll probably get drinks.
Joey: Well, we’ll probably get drunk.
Sara: Great. Have a great time.
Joey: Oh, we will. Have fun drinking in moderation.
[Scene: Joey & Michael’s Apartment – Gina – Michael & Glen Enter]
Michael: Thanks so much, Glen.
Glen: Anytime, buddy, anytime.
Gina: What’s going on? What are you guys doing together?
Glen: Oh, I wanted to get a little closer to Michael, so I took him to Disney Land.
Gina: Uh, I thought we agreed to boycott that place.
Michael: Mom, for the last time, they don’t serve beer to anyone there. It’s not just you, okay? Besides, if me and my new friend Glen want to go to a theme park, we’ll go to a theme park, or a planetarium. Right? Tuesday, see you there?
Glen: I’ll be there.
Michael: Alright, you got it.
Glen: No, no, no. You got it.
Glen: I cant’ do this.
Glen: Look, Gina, I really wanted this to work, but I mean, who goes on a roller coaster and talks about parabolic velocity? And evidently, if a real mouse had a head and ears that big, it’s head would snap! So, I’m really sorry, but this is really over. Oh God, I hear him coming. I gotta go.
(Glen runs out; Michael enters holding a back)
Michael: Mom, I was right about what I was saying to Glen before. It turns out the actual pirates of the Caribbean, like in real life, would not have been chasing women around, because they were like, family men with staunch religious backgrounds.
Gina: I have never loved you more.
[Scene: Joey’s Bedroom – Joey & Heather Enter]
Joey: Alex, you in here?
Heather: Who’s Alex?
Joey: Oh, just a small women who stays in my room sometimes. It’s fine. So, welcome to my bedroom. You’ll find bottled water on your left, pillows and blankets for your convince, and our flight time is scheduled for three hours and twenty minutes.
Heather: Joey, I’ve heard your speech before.
Joey: Oh, good, then I don’t have to show you where the exits are.
(Heather kisses Joey; Joey looks at the picture that Sara gave to him)
Joey: Uh, can you just give me one second?
(Joey takes the picture off the wall)
Heather: Oh, that is such a cute picture of you. Who took it?
Joey: Uh, someone who’s so far from my mind that I can’t hardly even remember her name. Now, where were we, Sara?
Heather: Wait, did you just call me Sara?
Joey: Oh, do you not like that, Heather?
Heather: Actually, no, I don’t. What is going on here? Do you not wanna do this?
Joey: I do. I don’t. I do. I can’t.
Heather: I’m done.
Joey: I’ll bet.
(Heather Leaves; Alex comes out from behind the curtains)
Alex: Go talk to Sara!
Joey: Will you stop doing that?!
Alex: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I heard you coming and I didn’t want to leave.
Joey: I don’t understand it. Sara is out with someone else. Why can’t I do that? I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna go talk to her.
Alex: Ok, on your way over, could you give Eric’s window a quick wipe?
[Scene: Sara’s Apartment – Sara and Rick – Joey Enters]
Joey: I hope you’re happy! Rick. Thanks to you, my date is ruined.
Joey: Because you gave me that picture. Now every time I look at me, I think of you.
Sara: Well you seem to be doing an okay job of forgetting about me with stereo girl.
Joey: First of all, she is in the television department. Okay? Second, I sent her home. I couldn’t enjoy myself with her, because you are so in my head.
Sara: You think I’m enjoying myself? You think I enjoy being with Rick?
Rick: Wow, I kind of thought this was going okay. I made my own guacamole.
Joey: Well if you don’t like this guy, then why are you still seeing him?
Sara: Because I can’t put all my eggs in one basket. You’re not exactly a one women kind of guy.
Joey: Well, maybe I just haven’t found the right woman!
Sara: Are you saying I’m it?
Joey: Maybe I am? (To Rick) This is great by the way!
Rick: Thanks. You know, I’m just gonna go. It’s a shame you’ll never have my tequitos.
Sara: So, what are we saying here?
Joey: I guess we’re saying that we wanna be together, and not see anyone else. It was less scary when I yelled it.
Sara: Well if we’re gonna do this, I wanna be sure that it’s for the right reasons and not because you’re jealous because it’s something that you really want. So I think that you should take some time to think about it.
Joey: Fine. I will.
(Joey leaves, and then re-enters)
Joey: I thought about it. (Kisses Sara)
Sara: Wow, that really is good guacamole.
[Scene: Joey’s Bedroom – Alex is spying on her husband – Joey Enters]
Joey: Hey. I just came back for my toothbrush. Is cello girl still in there?
Joey: I just had a really good conversation with Sara.
Alex: I know, I read your lips. That was beautiful. I think I’m getting a little delirious. I saw Chewbacca walking through the Courtyard.
Joey: That was Michael, honey. He’s going to a convention. You’ve gotta get some sleep. Look, there is nothing going on over there. You get some rest. I’ll watch until she leaves, okay?
Alex: Okay. Oh, wait, I gotta log out.
Joey: I’ll do it for you.
Alex: That’s against procedure, but okay.
(Alex gets in Joey’s bed; Joey watches Eric’s Apartment. The cellist starts to leave, Eric kisses her, then they go back into Eric’s Apartment.)